When Integrity Is Tested: The Power of the Word and the Wisdom of Our Triggers
Integrity is one of those words that feels both ancient and alive. It comes from the Latin integer, meaning “whole,” “purity,” or “untouched.” A while back, I had to look up the etymology of integrity just for my own curiosity since it was coming up for me and many of my clients. To live with integrity is to live in wholeness—where our words, actions, and energy move as one. In spiritual work and community spaces, integrity isn’t just about morality; it’s about energetic coherence. Am I congruent with who I see myself to be and how others see me? And if there is incongruency—what is it reflecting about my values? Integrity is also what allows the group field to stay strong, safe, and sacred.
Recently, I found myself navigating a situation that tested my own sense of integrity. A program I’ve been building had one participant fewer than the minimum required after the group was fully formed. One person, for good reasons, decided that she needed a break from the deep healing work. And I agreed—given everything this person had going on, it felt like it wasn’t the right time, and her body needed the space to process and calm down. So now, with five participants, I questioned myself: Do you really want to give 16 months of your time where your energy is fully committed? As the program guide, I have to prepare and then integrate the weekends, modifying accordingly, reading the group’s energy, noticing ups and downs so the container stays tight.
I questioned myself and was almost tempted to use the six-person minimum requirement as an excuse—but I had already agreed. I had already given my word and commitment to this group. So I learned something valuable and checked myself: Why would I want to find an excuse? What’s happening with me internally that I would want to compromise my integrity?
I was tired. Very tired. After several situations—grieving a friendship and collaboration with someone dear to my heart, going through several ceremonies, then the Phoenix Rising work that night… uff. Small but powerful group, and it took everything I had and more to raise the level of energy to go where we needed to go and do the work we needed to do. Needless to say, as I processed several of these group participants’ soul issues, performed spiritual surgeries, and held space, I was left exhausted. Without the ability to take time to rest, I fell ill and am still recovering.
Don’t get me wrong—the first five days of this illness, I was so grateful for the purge. The purge happens whether we are intentional about it or pushed into it; in this case, I was seriously pushed. It was also my birthday week, and with family and friends pulling my energy to send birthday wishes, get together, etc., I was stretched thin, leading to a few mandatory days off to process the virus my body is still working through.
Today, while speaking with a client about her triggers—yes, that trigger word is just so annoying sometimes, but this is important, I promise—the trigger really highlighted how it was pointing to a value system and how those values were being crossed.
When we feel triggered, it’s easy to project outward: She disrespected me. He/she didn’t do xyz. But triggers are messengers. They can also help point us toward the deeper layers of what we value most and where our boundaries may have been crossed. In this case, the anger being experienced was a reminder of what boundaries were being crossed or where value hot buttons were being pushed.
For example, if you get triggered when a friend leaves you hanging for lunch after you made plans, the hot-button value may be that your energy and time aren’t being valued. Or perhaps a friend or work colleague who is constantly late triggering your value of your own integrity or how boundaries are being disrespected or broken….when someone breaks their word, it reminds you how much value you place in yours—so the boundary of respect could be tested or broken. Does that make sense?
In many traditions, the spoken word is a force of creation. In Vodou, prayers are sung into being; in the Bible, the world begins with “Let there be light.” In Toltec wisdom, Don Miguel Ruiz teaches us to be impeccable with your word, because words carry vibration, intention, and power. That’s no joke.
If any of you know what papera en la garganta is—a throat illness (I don’t know the name in English)—this inflammation can even travel up to the brain, making it potentially a serious issue, or go down to the kidneys and ovaries, doing the same. I’ve experienced the spiritual aspects with some clients and seen how words affect the throat, our integrity, our sense of inner strength. Because essentially, integrity is also our ability to have and positively assert our inner strength.
When we give our word—whether in commitment, promise, or agreement—we set an energetic current in motion.
So when someone breaks their word, it can feel like a fracture in the field. But equally, when we break our own word—by overextending, overexplaining, or trying to hold everything together—we also create dissonance within ourselves.
This is the paradox of integrity: it’s both outer and inner. Sometimes the invitation is not to call others back into integrity, but to call ourselves back—to realign with what our body and boundaries are telling us. The trigger was a reminder that we don’t have to rescue, manage, or hold everything together.
The word “no” is also sacred. The word “enough” is also whole—full of healthy, grounded personal boundaries. Some boundaries are crucial to establish because they are integral to the healing process. So when you are finally able to say “enough” or “no more,” you are detaching yourself from codependency.
If we listen closely, our triggers teach us where our true values live. They show us what we stand for and what we will no longer bend for. They are not flaws to fix, but alarms reminding us that our energy deserves reverence. When we do trigger release—a deep process taking 45 minutes or so per trigger—if you sit with yourself and venture into your triggers, you may be surprised at what you find. Sometimes the person is just a projection of a deeper wound, and sometimes the person is testing or crossing a boundary. To know the difference takes a lot of internal work, but once you fully learn the difference, the freedom you’ll experience is so satisfying.
Integrity is not perfection—it’s practice. It’s choosing, again and again, to let our words be medicine rather than reaction. To speak less but mean more. To keep our promises to others, and to ourselves.
So I chose to honor my word to those five participants—not from martyrdom (I’ve worked through that pattern extensively—it was a life theme I had to recognize, accept, integrate, and release)—but from alignment.
Hugs,
V.
To learn more about triggers, check out the Trigger Shifting on demand course here.
To learn about defense mechanism – click here.